things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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