Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
