And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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