His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
