i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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