woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
