I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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