I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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