i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize