i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
