Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
