I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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