Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
