bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
