did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize