Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
