I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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