Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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