im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
