It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
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Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
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Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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