I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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