Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
