Got a toothbrush?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize