Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
