your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
