Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
