Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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