The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
one might say we're banned from that church
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
