She went from zero to smokin in five shots
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just want to make out with him forever
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
