I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
3pm strippers are depressing
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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