In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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