hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
