Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
