Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
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i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
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Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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