Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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