she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
