At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
