She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
