He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
