I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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