I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I party with great urgency now.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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