names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
