Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
