I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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