I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
