she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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