And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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