Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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