all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
