I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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