Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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