I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
