I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
