I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
