Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
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As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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