Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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