holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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