I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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