Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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