So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
