it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
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just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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