I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
