So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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