you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
