There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
