Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize