It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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