In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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